The year 2018 is almost coming to a close. Looking back, it was filled with (inside) turmoil and a lot of struggles. I broke down quite a lot this year without my friends knowing. I was confused and I thought I was treading the wrong path. It felt lonely and heavy at times. I was insecure and anxious for the most part. However, I have no one to blame but myself.
Getting my cards read
There was a time when I had my cards read by a good friend. I was at the point of breaking down again and had no one to turn to.
It was interesting how the cards showed the pain that I kept denying. They unveiled the misery that I kept close to myself. I was at my heaviest and I wanted to be done with everything. What nobody could tell, the cards showed. However, it added that my pain was my own doing. I was my own monster and that needed to be addressed.
After that, I felt a sense of lightness. I felt new. It was like a rock was lifted somewhere.
What I learned
Sometimes, you don’t have to keep it to yourself. One of my biggest mistakes in 2018 was bottling up my feelings. I thought no one understood me. I thought nobody would give a damn. However, I had friends. They were few, but I knew I could count on them when shit hit the fan.
Do not underestimate the power of self-care. It is not just about bubble bath and massages. It is about noticing the little things. Sometimes, self-care can be as simple as being kind to yourself. We are easily kind to other people but are harsher towards our own self.
My friend told me “inaction can also be a form of action.” That hit home. For people who knew me well, I hate being idle. I hate not doing anything. I was that person who NEEDED something to do. At least a little something. I always want fast results. However, I need to take my damn sweet time. Trust the process, even if it is really slow.
My 2018 goals
Of the 12 goals I had for 2018, I crossed off seven. It isn’t too bad when you think about it. I was shocked to have accomplished more than 50% of the goals I set out for myself when I typically tend to accomplish just 30% on a given year. I thought I was a loser this year. Somehow, that definition of loser has to be changed.
Looking back, I’ve gone far from where I started. Sometimes, you need to be grateful and constantly look for the little things to see how truly #blessed (pun intended!) you are. We are often too busy looking for the bigger things in life that we lose sight of the little things that matter most.
Despite all those challenges, the year ended on a good note. I am beyond grateful for everything that I currently have. I am still not where I want to be but I am getting there. The journey isn’t so bad when you let the rain come through. It’s not as awful as you think it is when you see through the struggles. Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing.
As 2018 wanes and a new year waxes, here’s to moving forward. With a little bit of hope and a little bit of joy, we take another step. Here’s to happiness, contentment, and love! Cheers!