I am writing this at my favorite co-working place in Ramos sipping my coffee and waiting for the long weekend to come. I have just rendered my last days at the office and starting tomorrow, I will be working for myself. Yes, I’ve quit.
For those who know me and who have seen me switch companies and careers over the last three years, this might come as a shocker. Yes, I’ve met a few former co-workers who have expressed disbelief when I told them I have talked to my boss and given my resignation letter. I am expecting others to be shocked with this decision. Even my own family has stopped talking me out of my decision to quit. Somehow, I am even appalled with my own decisiveness. The me last year would’ve been horrified and would’ve talked myself out. But, the decision has been made and I’m embracing the risks involved.
I have quit. But, not like the usual quit-then-move-on-to-the-next-company kind of thing. I have quit corporate life. It seems so unlike me to do this. Last year, I have set up some goals for myself: be a manager (ticked off), take MBA, and so on. My crisis last year has led me to focus on my career and in climbing the corporate ladder. As I slowly ticked off my list, I started to become emptier. I felt that the more time I spent at the office, the unhappier I became. I looked forward to weekends where I can write and do something more creative. My health was also affected. I was sick more often and my voice was hoarse longer than expected. My unhappiness and my degrading health were not the things I aspired for. I wanted to be happy. That’s all.
And as I started some side projects and met with other people, I realized I have abandoned the dreams that I have dreamt years ago for myself. I forgot that my main goal for this year was to have time for the side projects that fueled me and kept me going. What is life when you’re perpetually unhappy? And so, I took the plunge. Here I am now, scared with the unclear plans I have for myself but I’m just winging it.
Who am I pleasing by reaching my goals? Are those the secret to happiness? Are those really what I want? Is it what society is expecting of me? Will that give meaning to my long sleepless nights? Those questions keep running in my head. I have now decided to live life on my terms. I am now in charge of my life and of where I am heading.
I remember the moment my mother gave up on talking me out of my decision, she said: “Do what you want, as long as you can sustain yourself.” I think that was all I needed to hear. As long as I am happy and sailing myself to the life that I want, I guess it’ll all work out. If it doesn’t, then I can just adjust my sails and keep on trying.